One Step
by ttfan111robstar1
Summary: Misa's thoughts before she commits suicide on Valentine's Day.


The sky tinged pink orange as the wind whispered through her hair. Her dress fluttered in the breeze, as she stared out into the world. It was a different world now. The sun would always set, the dark would always win, the candle would always be blown out. All because Light was gone.

Because he was gone, so was the light within her.

She could feel it inside her, that cold vacuous space in her heart. It sucked up her joy, her love, her everything. Everything except her sorrow, of course. That was the only thing it couldn't take, no matter how much she begged. Bargaining couldn't help her now. She would have given anything for Light to be back. Even her own life. The ride on the train to this point had been uneventful. She'd seen flashes of her life through the windows, like a movie reel playing scenes of her life. Herself as a child, her parents, their deaths, and life with Light, and the life without him.

She'd waited to kill herself until Valentine's Day. The days without him had been the hardest and worst days of her life. That seemingly endless period between longing for what you had and waiting for what's to come. She hadn't needed to wait- she could have very well killed herself long before now. But there was a symbolism in choosing Valentine's Day that just couldn't be ignored. Valentine's Day was about lovers, and so of course she would chose this day to commit suicide. She would fling herself into the netherworld in the hope that wherever she went, she could find him there.

She believed in heaven and hell. She liked to think her parents awaited her in heaven, that they were there with Light, all sitting on a comfortable couch and talking. She imagined him asking their blessing to marry her, and them accepting. Her parents would have been thrilled to meet the boy who had made their daughter so happy all those years. It was the only idea that brought her comfort on those nights when February fourteenth seemed all too far away, when she didn't think she could make it. The image would play in her head, and suddenly she'd find just enough strength to hold on as she waited for the day to come.

Waiting for the sun to set was even harder, but she'd made herself do it. She would die at the time and place Light did, their souls bonded together forever if nothing else than circumstances. Dying did not scare her so much as living in a world without Light. That was a fate worse than death. She imagined dying being a loosening of the shackles that bound her to this world, after which she'd float, weightless, until she saw Light again. He'd center her and ground her as he'd always done, and then with him and her parents, She'd have everything she ever wanted.

The scent of salt air caught the wind, and she shut her eyes to breathe it in one last time. She'd once envisioned herself and light going on dates there, but it was not to be. She wondered if perhaps there were oceans they'd visit in heaven. Oceans, forests, restaurants, bars. All of it. There were so many things they still had to experience together, and there just wasn't enough time on earth.

The sun was setting. On the opposite horizon, the dark was creeping in. It was the perfect metaphor for her life. She would always follow Light. And maybe, in heaven, he'd have more time for her, and they would have a wedding, children, and all the things they had been meant to have here on earth but weren't granted due to the binding constructs of time.

_It's only one step._

One step to end her life and a step to start a new one. One step to end her sadness and begin her eternal joy. One step away from the world, and one step toward Light. She would follow him forever. Sometimes she even dreamed of him standing in a pool of light, reaching his hand out to her, and when she took it, he'd lead her into a light so bright she could not see the other side. But perhaps humans weren't meant to have such knowledge. Maybe the power of what awaited them was too great to know. That's why they needed Kira. Kira held all those answers.

The sun was getting to the point she needed it to. She took in one last big breath of air to steady herself.

_One step into forever._

Wedding bells, babies, a family. All of it would be hers for the taking if she were brave enough to take that step. One step could change her life, and end it. She looked out at the sun one last time, and thanked it for bringing her all the happy days in her life, before she took that step over the edge.

The sounds of wind rushing through her hair dominated her hearing, and the ground was coming up quickly. But she didn't feel scared at all. Instead, she stretched out her arms as though to hug somebody. She had never felt such peace in all her life as she did in that moment, because through her life ending, a new one would start. One with no sadness or pain, one with laughter and smiles and joy. One with her never living in fear. A future where she was treasured, secure, and protected. Where a ring was on her finger and Light was in her arms.

A future where she and Light finally got their happily ever after after so long of waiting for it.

The thought brought a faint smile to her lips as she shut her eyes, not caring about the ground anymore. The shackles were coming off, and in death she would finally be free.

Then, she hit the ground and couldn't feel anything anymore.


End file.
